Uncomplicated...
Thoughts swirl around in my head, searching for an outlet, striving to become more than thoughts...words. Words always make a feeling concrete for me. They make the feelings known, accepted, more than whispers in a dark room.
So I attempt to get the feelings out that have been trapped in my mind.
The first words I speak to myself as I spread jelly on toast and scramble eggs is that food should be easy. It shouldn't take up every waking moment of my day and I shouldn't dream about it at night. It should be uncomplicated. But it isn't. I am bombarded every time I get online with new studies, new diets, new eliminations, and new products. I am always wondering if that was too much butter I put on my toast? Or telling myself I should really eat a salad when I want cheese and grapes. Or second guessing the few spoons of melting ice cream I scooped from Audrey's bowl.
It should be easy. It should be, I am hungry so I will eat. I am full so I will stop. It should be, it's lunch time so what shall I eat? Instead of obsessing about what to eat (and what to avoid) the minute I get done with breakfast.
The stress of this spills over into other areas of my life. The stress complicates my relationships, my energy levels, my food choices, and my walk with God. I want to uncomplicate my life. I know it's cliché to say that I want to stay in the moment. Isn't that what they all say? But how else can I live without stressing over the minute details of life?
If I am "in the moment", will I worry about getting a disease in the future? Will I worry that my kids will not have a good relationship with God? Will I make up horror scenarios of something happening to Jake at work? Will I be anxious over all the what ifs of life?
Because in this moment I am not dying of a disease, my kids love God and Jake is busy on his deliveries. In this moment I am not thinking about food because I ate breakfast, I'm full, and I don't have to think about it til lunch time. (Except for the figuring out supper part. I'm sure everyone would not want to eat cold cereal every night.) In this moment, the girls are playing outside, the sun is shining, the clothes are drying, and God is present. In this moment it is easy because my life is not compounded by fear, anxiety, what ifs and worry.
God promises us peace that passes all understanding. He says not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough trouble of its own. Maybe it is time for me to take Him at His word.
So I attempt to get the feelings out that have been trapped in my mind.
The first words I speak to myself as I spread jelly on toast and scramble eggs is that food should be easy. It shouldn't take up every waking moment of my day and I shouldn't dream about it at night. It should be uncomplicated. But it isn't. I am bombarded every time I get online with new studies, new diets, new eliminations, and new products. I am always wondering if that was too much butter I put on my toast? Or telling myself I should really eat a salad when I want cheese and grapes. Or second guessing the few spoons of melting ice cream I scooped from Audrey's bowl.
It should be easy. It should be, I am hungry so I will eat. I am full so I will stop. It should be, it's lunch time so what shall I eat? Instead of obsessing about what to eat (and what to avoid) the minute I get done with breakfast.
The stress of this spills over into other areas of my life. The stress complicates my relationships, my energy levels, my food choices, and my walk with God. I want to uncomplicate my life. I know it's cliché to say that I want to stay in the moment. Isn't that what they all say? But how else can I live without stressing over the minute details of life?
If I am "in the moment", will I worry about getting a disease in the future? Will I worry that my kids will not have a good relationship with God? Will I make up horror scenarios of something happening to Jake at work? Will I be anxious over all the what ifs of life?
Because in this moment I am not dying of a disease, my kids love God and Jake is busy on his deliveries. In this moment I am not thinking about food because I ate breakfast, I'm full, and I don't have to think about it til lunch time. (Except for the figuring out supper part. I'm sure everyone would not want to eat cold cereal every night.) In this moment, the girls are playing outside, the sun is shining, the clothes are drying, and God is present. In this moment it is easy because my life is not compounded by fear, anxiety, what ifs and worry.
God promises us peace that passes all understanding. He says not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough trouble of its own. Maybe it is time for me to take Him at His word.
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