The Challenge
Motherhood. It can be messy and sticky and full of advice from many sources on how to raise your kids right, how your house should look, what you should feed the little tikes. There are a lot of issues raised on social media about gluten, vaccines, organic food, homeschooling, and child rearing. There are wars fought, words said, feelings hurt, relationships terminated over these things and many more.
It makes my heart weep for the mothers who are feeling overwhelmed because they do or don't do some of the things that are hyped up to be essential for you to be a good mom. I will admit to you right now that I am an average mom. Some days I'm a mean mom. Some days I'm the mom who sits and reads books while the dishes crust over in the sink. Some days I'm the mom who tells her kids they need to wait because I'm baking bread. Most days I fail at quite a few things.
I was also the mom who tried to do all the stuff. Who made bread and tortillas and yogurt. Who wouldn't let her kids eat sugary stuff. Who had a housecleaning schedule that I may as well burn now. I wanted to rid our lives of all the things that I had heard would kill us, maim us, or ruin our health. I wanted to do all the right things for my girls, for my husband. For me.
Do you know where that got me? Stressed. That's where it got me. Waiting til the very last drop of conditioner was gone from the bottle before I got more because I hoped somewhere in my internet travels I would come up with a to kill for recipe for curly hair that would eliminate the toxins and keep my curls looking ah-mazing! But it never happened. I tried that apple cider vinegar and it lasted a day. I tried the coconut oil and lasted a week. I tried and tried and grew more and more stressed. I just knew I was killing us one shampoo use at a time. I just knew that if I opened that box of medicine and gave the girls some Tylenol that I would be dooming us. I just knew that if we had to buy more tortillas at the store I would be gleefully shoving modified foods into us...gleefully because I didn't have to make them.
Is it worth the stress? Really? For me, I decided it wasn't. I asked God, "What do I need to do today to care for my family?" Do you know what He told me? "Make tortillas!" No! He told me to love them, to read to them, to pray with them, to cuddle them. To lay in the grass and watch air planes. To chase them once more around the swing set. To set aside my ever loving quest for the perfect combination of things to keep us healthy...as if I could control that!
When I get to heaven some day, I'm going to give account to God for the words I said to my kids and the tone of voice I said them with. I'm going to answer to him for bitterness I have harbored, anger I have let loose, unkindness, jealousy, pride. He will not judge me for what kind of yogurt I fed my family. He will not judge me for what cleaners I used in my bathroom. He will not judge me for not vacuuming that one day. He will not praise me for baking homemade bread. He will not praise me for cleaning schedules, or fermenting kefir, or using rose petals and cocoa powder to make blush. He will not praise me for giving my family pastured chickens or ducks or raising our own food. All these things that I was for sure were most necessary to my survival and to being a good mother. They won't matter.
I gave myself a challenge. When I start to feel stressed or that I must do this thing now or we will all die horrible rotten deaths because I let us eat, do, wear, this one thing...I must stop. I have to get off the crazy cycle. The doomed death cycle. I have to think...will this matter in eternity? And if the answer is no, than I drop it. I drop it like a hot potato. If the answer is yes, then I grapple with this problem...this anger or pride or jealousy or selfishness. I grapple and I pray over it and let the crumbs lie on the floor. I let the dishes crust over. I buy the tortillas. And I focus on eternity.
It makes my heart weep for the mothers who are feeling overwhelmed because they do or don't do some of the things that are hyped up to be essential for you to be a good mom. I will admit to you right now that I am an average mom. Some days I'm a mean mom. Some days I'm the mom who sits and reads books while the dishes crust over in the sink. Some days I'm the mom who tells her kids they need to wait because I'm baking bread. Most days I fail at quite a few things.
I was also the mom who tried to do all the stuff. Who made bread and tortillas and yogurt. Who wouldn't let her kids eat sugary stuff. Who had a housecleaning schedule that I may as well burn now. I wanted to rid our lives of all the things that I had heard would kill us, maim us, or ruin our health. I wanted to do all the right things for my girls, for my husband. For me.
Do you know where that got me? Stressed. That's where it got me. Waiting til the very last drop of conditioner was gone from the bottle before I got more because I hoped somewhere in my internet travels I would come up with a to kill for recipe for curly hair that would eliminate the toxins and keep my curls looking ah-mazing! But it never happened. I tried that apple cider vinegar and it lasted a day. I tried the coconut oil and lasted a week. I tried and tried and grew more and more stressed. I just knew I was killing us one shampoo use at a time. I just knew that if I opened that box of medicine and gave the girls some Tylenol that I would be dooming us. I just knew that if we had to buy more tortillas at the store I would be gleefully shoving modified foods into us...gleefully because I didn't have to make them.
Is it worth the stress? Really? For me, I decided it wasn't. I asked God, "What do I need to do today to care for my family?" Do you know what He told me? "Make tortillas!" No! He told me to love them, to read to them, to pray with them, to cuddle them. To lay in the grass and watch air planes. To chase them once more around the swing set. To set aside my ever loving quest for the perfect combination of things to keep us healthy...as if I could control that!
When I get to heaven some day, I'm going to give account to God for the words I said to my kids and the tone of voice I said them with. I'm going to answer to him for bitterness I have harbored, anger I have let loose, unkindness, jealousy, pride. He will not judge me for what kind of yogurt I fed my family. He will not judge me for what cleaners I used in my bathroom. He will not judge me for not vacuuming that one day. He will not praise me for baking homemade bread. He will not praise me for cleaning schedules, or fermenting kefir, or using rose petals and cocoa powder to make blush. He will not praise me for giving my family pastured chickens or ducks or raising our own food. All these things that I was for sure were most necessary to my survival and to being a good mother. They won't matter.
I gave myself a challenge. When I start to feel stressed or that I must do this thing now or we will all die horrible rotten deaths because I let us eat, do, wear, this one thing...I must stop. I have to get off the crazy cycle. The doomed death cycle. I have to think...will this matter in eternity? And if the answer is no, than I drop it. I drop it like a hot potato. If the answer is yes, then I grapple with this problem...this anger or pride or jealousy or selfishness. I grapple and I pray over it and let the crumbs lie on the floor. I let the dishes crust over. I buy the tortillas. And I focus on eternity.
Love this!!
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