On Body image and snot on my shirt...
I am in the process of eating healthier in the hopes of losing a few of the extra pounds that are hanging around after having been pregnant five times. After having miscarried two of those times and sunk into a depression that involved eating half gallons of ice cream. After having mono and not being able to even walk to the mailbox for weeks and weeks. All those things add up to more pounds than when I first got married.
Question one: why do we always want to get back to the weight that we were when we first got married? Is it because then we were happy? Does less weight on our frame equal happiness? Do we think it will take us back to the feelings we had on our honeymoon and the ability to spend time with our husbands (maybe in a hot tub) without little kids smearing jelly and dirt in our hair or wedging themselves between us when we try to hug because they should get all the attention? Why is "wedding weight" always the goal?
Question two: Can weight define who we are? Truly? Can stretch marks or snot on our shirts or burnt dinners or kids fighting in the front lawn over sunglasses? Can the size of our jeans define our happiness? Really?
I thought it could. I thought that if only I could get to xx size of jeans or this certain weight I would be blissfully happy. I thought that if I knew that people noticed that I had lost weight or that I looked good or commented me, that would make me feel...worthy.
I know that when I get to "goal weight", whatever that is, I won't be any happier in my body than I am now for the pure and simple reason that I will still have stretch marks, saggy skin, imperfections, and that if I can't learn to love them now, I will never love them if they are ten pounds leaner.
It's a truth that I am grappling to come to terms with. I am trying to see myself, not only as beautiful, but also as worthy. Worthy of friends, of laughter, of intimate moments with my husband, of cuddles with my girls, of walks and gardening and biking. Of not being weighed down by what "everyone" thinks of me. I can't read minds so I really don't know what they are thinking; and they can't define happiness and contentment for me.
I think that the key to this whole mess of worrying about what others think and also learning to accept myself right now, is hearing the truth that God speaks into my life.
"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
“Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.” Genesis 1:26,31
“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
"I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame." Psalm 34:4-5
Question one: why do we always want to get back to the weight that we were when we first got married? Is it because then we were happy? Does less weight on our frame equal happiness? Do we think it will take us back to the feelings we had on our honeymoon and the ability to spend time with our husbands (maybe in a hot tub) without little kids smearing jelly and dirt in our hair or wedging themselves between us when we try to hug because they should get all the attention? Why is "wedding weight" always the goal?
Question two: Can weight define who we are? Truly? Can stretch marks or snot on our shirts or burnt dinners or kids fighting in the front lawn over sunglasses? Can the size of our jeans define our happiness? Really?
I thought it could. I thought that if only I could get to xx size of jeans or this certain weight I would be blissfully happy. I thought that if I knew that people noticed that I had lost weight or that I looked good or commented me, that would make me feel...worthy.
I know that when I get to "goal weight", whatever that is, I won't be any happier in my body than I am now for the pure and simple reason that I will still have stretch marks, saggy skin, imperfections, and that if I can't learn to love them now, I will never love them if they are ten pounds leaner.
It's a truth that I am grappling to come to terms with. I am trying to see myself, not only as beautiful, but also as worthy. Worthy of friends, of laughter, of intimate moments with my husband, of cuddles with my girls, of walks and gardening and biking. Of not being weighed down by what "everyone" thinks of me. I can't read minds so I really don't know what they are thinking; and they can't define happiness and contentment for me.
I think that the key to this whole mess of worrying about what others think and also learning to accept myself right now, is hearing the truth that God speaks into my life.
"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
“Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.” Genesis 1:26,31
“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
"I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame." Psalm 34:4-5
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